Got Chi?

Feelin' Groovy

2011-12-01T12:13:00.000-08:00

"Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy."

The lyrics from the now antiquated Simon & Garfunkel song"59th Street Bridge" begin to ring in my head around this time of year. It's the universe flashing its omnipotent yellow traffic light reminding me to slow down. The song sings in perfect harmony with the 4th quarter Mercury Retrograde and impending Winter Solstice. This crafty trio is too much a match for our self-imposed warp speed which always seems to kick in just after October 31st.

As we've entered into the fall and coming winter months, our biorhythms pair up with nature around us. The rains begin, the leaves fall, the animals grow warmer coats. And we somehow try to defy what is inherently being called of us. There are family gatherings, social engagements, copious shopping, work deadlines and all the while trying to keep up with our normal daily calls for duty. Of course this occurs perennially, but during the holiday season we try to accomplish an endless to do list within such a compressed amount of time.

There is a sign in my home office which reads, "I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe." This is exactly how we feel when we're moving too fast, moving against our grain. Often when clients or students come to receive or study Reiki, they feel restored to their center. There is a sense of peace, contentment and less engagement in anything which doesn't serve us. Engagement in the present moment pulls rank over the back and forth mind chatter of the should-haves and need-tos which ordinarily consume us. Oddly enough when we are in overdrive we tend to misstep and spend more time playing catch up than we would if we were a bit slower and more methodical. As we take more time to explore, there is more time to listen to guidance from within, to construct ideas, to hear and feel the rhythm of all things. From this we become more malleable with the flow of simply ‘what is’, and there is less upset in the rational mind of what is ‘supposed to be’.

As adults we mature intellectually and emotionally, yet we become unhinged from our spiritual self. We’re told to stop daydreaming and exploring in order to be more productive. We are told to lose one of the most sacred gifts a person could have which is our sense of wonder. When we orient ourselves with the rational more than the intuitive we also feel more discomfort in the chaotic nature of the universe. In this discomfort, exists a constant swirl of reasoning to the point we rationalize ourselves into a state of separation. When we’re in this state we spend more time and energy reasoning rather than gaining insight on the broader perspective. If we can align the rational with the intuitive, then we begin to release our hold on the ‘supposed to be’ and soften into ‘what is’. It’s in this place where we find solace, peace and even compassion for where we and others live on the unified path.

The seasonal slowdown is a way for nature to regenerate and a reminder for us to do the same. Aligning with the circadian rhythms informs our physiological and behavioral processes. This biological clock tells us to sleep when it's darker, wake in the morning light and prepare us for seasonal change. Having great impact on our metabolic impact, these rhythms tell us to rest and eat more as environmental conditions cool down. Hence the yearning for more comfort food, wanting to sleep in when it's cold and rainy outside, wanting to simply spend more time curled up inside with a good book. Yet we live in a task-oriented society which doesn't allow much room for slowing down. So as our clocks slow, we still move at jackrabbit speed. Too much of this can compromise our immune function which is why we often succumb to what is known as cold and flu season.

As I write this from my kitchen table, Mount Tamalpais slopes before me. A hawk circles with the thermal current, then glides out of sight and I'm reminded to take time out to do the same.

"I've got no deeds to do,

No promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me.
Life, I love you,
All is groovy."
May the season nourish, hold and restore you into the new year!

Candy Everybody Wants

2011-10-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago CNN broadcast an image of a man holding up a sign reading "I work 3 jobs, I have a house I can't sell, My family insurance costs are outrageous, but I don't blame Wall Street..Suck it up whiners...I am the 53%...". My immediate thought was what is wrong with this picture? If a real living wage were offered by corporations, then we as a people wouldn't have to work 3 jobs to hold it together. If affordable healthcare was a right and not a privilege then we wouldn't have outrageous insurance costs. If the banks were held accountable for misleading and betting against the market then we wouldn't be burdened with a decline in the housing market. I wanted to reach through the television, pry the man's brain open, massage the gray matter so the synapses would once again begin firing enough for him to WAKE UP! I looked up this counter movement of the 53% and read other blog posts which told his story of working hard all his life through high school and college, but still not having a child, home or vacations because he can't afford them. We as a society have fallen so under the woo of the corporate sociopaths that we have shut off our interest to think critically. We have allowed government and bureaucracies to spoon-feed us until we have lost sight of our inherent entitlements enough to demand what is best for humanity on the whole.

Admittedly I have watched the Occupy Wallstreet Movement from a distance. Even as this movement protests against corporate greed and government inaction, I have been contemplating my position and the best course of action. I personally stand as part of this 99% and share in their message, "The one thing we all have in common is that We Are The 99% that will no longer tolerate the greed and corruption of the 1%." I support this cause not because I'm a liberal, not because I'm a democrat, but because I'm a member of this world population. It is no longer a preference or a trend, but absolutely necessary for us as a population to practice sustainability, social responsibility and raise our consciousness so that we may evolve in alignment with all the other species on this planet.

It's difficult to look at, but the corporations are mirrors for our complacency. We say we want an end to corporate greed, so it's up to us as the 99% to stop funding it. We wanted convenience, speed, efficiency and they've provided it across the board. Let's look at a few examples:

Our food has become a processed distortion that it loses many of its original nutrients forcing 'fortification' . Additives, preservatives, hormones and antibiotics have caused numerous imbalances in our bodies. Not to mention this food comes nicely wrapped in packaging that eventually spills out from landfills.
Responsive action: Eat locally and know where your food comes from. Research farming livestock and fishing practices.

Medicine has been confused or lumped into the same meaning as medications which offer a riotous amount of disclaimers and side effects. The difference below..

Medicine: the science and art of healing. It encompasses a variety of health care practices evolved to maintain and restore health by the prevention and treatment of illness.

Medications: A pharmaceutical drug, also referred to as medicine, medication or medicament, can be loosely defined as any chemical substance intended for use in the medical diagnosis, cure, treatment, or prevention of disease.

Responsive action: research your ailment, get multiple opinions from allopathic and holistic, #1 find out why! An ailment doesn't just show up overnight, it is a symptom of greater imbalance in the body. Backtrack to the cause and treat it rather than putting a band-aid on the symptom.

Beauty used to be only skin deep, but the chemicals used in many of our products have carcinogens and additives causing skin and respiratory allergies. Not to mention the brutality of animal-testing and use of animal products in these ingredients.

Responsive action: Read and research your ingredients. Lean towards single source moisturizers such as coconut oil, olive oil or almond oil, in other words, get back to basics!

EMFs are increasing in cell phones, wi-fi, Kindles and computers. Research is revealing significant effects from headaches to immune imbalances. I know as a holistic practitioner the energy of someone who is constantly "plugged in" is vastly different than someone who is not.
Responsive action: decrease use, wear headsets, read books! (used if possible), remove these electronics from your bedrooms.

They've given us the candy and we forgot to ask about the cost. Complacency has a cost when responsibility is left to sociopaths. The 1% may have the money, but we as the consumer have the power. For every cent that leaves our pocket we need to understand and know where it's going and what it supports. Let's do our research and choose responsibly so that we may shift the consciousness of this population.

I may not be marching, but like all consumers I am on the frontline of this movement. For everything we dislike, look at what we want to change and manifest. Let's begin to treat our planet and all its inhabitants that they are invaluable not disposable. We can all step into this movement by encouraging each other that it’s all a very real possibility and essential for this planet to move forward.

Animal Spirits ~ Since this posting Oliver now rests peacefully--he continues to be a guide and angel, we'll miss him terribly. 1997-2011.

2011-10-01T15:19:00.000-07:00

"Cats love me!" Those were the famous last words of a long ago date who didn't make the cut. As he sauntered into the living room making himself at home on my sofa my buddha kitty Oliver was also sauntering through, giving him the stink-eye. My roommates upon hearing this declaration of animal magnetism smirked to themselves with the knowing that Oliver, along with most cats, do not succumb to magnetism. It's more of the reverse stance which cats take that "people love me."

I've lived with animals my entire life. Growing up, my mother trained Tasha our husky-shepherd mix on hand signals. We had numerous parakeets and a sea of cats over the years, the latter of which endured the ritual rite of passage of being dressed in doll clothes. My dream house would include a couple of dogs, a few cats, maybe a horse and definitely a goat!

For now I still have Oliver. For over 14 years he has been my teacher and guide. Out of all the cats I've ever lived with, he has never caught prey and brought it to my doorstep, sparing me the despair of blue-jay parts disposal. He literally has never even hurt a fly. Oliver is one of the few, if not only, kitties who will sit and actually study a bug run its own spidery course without ever lifting a paw.

He sits with me in meditation, I've come to sitting on a big enough cushion for both of us. He definitely receives his share of Reiki and while never formally attuning him, I swear he practices Reiki on me by sitting in places which need healing the most.

I think the most extraordinary moment for me was when I was a foster parent for feral cats. What possessed me to do this, I have no idea. For sixteen weeks I was given the task of socializing two consecutive 8 week-old "kittens". If a bobcat were crossed with the Tasmanian Devil this would have been the offspring. Yet, Oliver would welcome them up to his 'loft' in the cat tree to nap together. He'd allow them to gobble his food before he did, it was amazing!

As I write this, we've discovered we have a short time with him. He has a tumor growing along his left side and advanced heart disease. 14 years suddenly feels like months. Yet even with his maladies, he cruises the rooms of our home, patient with the well-meaning advances of our 6 year-old daughter and purrs…yes purrs while I give him his meds and insulin injections. While I've been heartbroken over the fact the vet is telling us months, he continues to teach me to be in the moment with his bright green eyes shining as if everything is perfect…and somehow I suppose it is.

In the Native American tradition, a person is believed to possess nine animal totems which represent the gifts they bring in their lifetime. Each animal represents specific powers and characteristics to remind us of our alignment with our world. As a human species we've made a departure from the animal kingdom. In doing so, we've destroyed habitat, corridors, we've exploited animals for food and products. Yet as the vibration of our planet continues to rise, so does our consciousness. Animals are the ambassadors in connecting us with the natural world. They are in constant communication with each other and us. If we are present with them we can listen and begin to understand their wisdom.

I invite you to visit Earthfire's You Tube videos to help us all reconnect to what we already know.

To learn more about animal spirits, visit: animalspirits.com

WonderWoman

2011-09-08T09:51:00.000-07:00

At a very young age, as early as I can remember, my eyes have always tilted upward, seeking..almost expecting wonder to sneak up and tickle me from out of the expansive blue sky. As children we hold wonder like a cup of warm cocoa with marshmallows, whipped cream..and sprinkles! Tiny hands cupping it near to us always situated at the heart's center, as the children's version of Namaste.

I feel so fortunate now as an adult to be able to recall so many wonders which have graced me from childhood to present. Retrieving early memories of being raised by a young hippie mom, I remember the cursed: brown earth shoes, running around naked even when my three year-old modesty inherently objected, eating veggie meatloaf..it was yellow! Moreover I remember the grace of being raised by her. Bike rides down to the river beds, turning over stones and looking for fossils, discovering that we lived beside a fairy hill (which I later learned were fireflies) and being visited during the night by the Tooth Fairy who left behind her tiny wand and glittery-gold footprints beside my bed! Later moving to Florida, I learned the foam on the turquoise waves were mermaid kisses being blown from a faraway sandbar.

Along with the magical was also the scary. The drive to my grandmother's meant passing the Grouch Forest where the Fanny-Biter lived. I think I imagined something out of Pink Floyd coming to bite my behind if I didn't behave. It was the kind of scary which sends little kids screaming, knees popping up into the air, in harmony with laughter. The kind of scary I still love to this day, stoking my passion for a good ghost story.

With this wonder and instilled fantasy, life was just as much the technicolor saturation as the Wizard of Oz. Sesame Street was great, but who needed TV when you had a pet crow named Sammy ( a story for another time)? Everything including the inanimate was animated and anthropomorphized. With this wonder brought a sensitivity to life around me. Everything became a treasure. It's why I still bring home stones from my hikes and shells from the beach. It's why I was thrilled off my chair to see a hummingbird for the very first time, watching in awe, as it twirled around foxgloves and danced along the treetops of Ventana. It's why I couldn't possibly live without animals in my life. It's why I continuously ask the Divine for signs when I'm empty on answers. And it's probably why I am so fascinated by the work of Reiki, the peace and healing it brings and the messages I receive while working in such sacred space.

This sense of wonder allows us to defy the implausible. It allows us to shrug and say hmm..may-be! It allows us to make a wish. It allows us to pray. It allows us to experiment, explore and expand beyond our limits. It allows us faith in something higher and the opportunity to be boundless in our will. It's what makes us creative beings. It's what makes us appreciative for simple surprises and miracles. Without wonder we lose imagination and possibilities.

The wildy surreal filmmaker, Fellini once said, "Never lose your childish enthusiasm and things will come your way." Take a moment today and remember the many wonders which have filled your life. Let these memories fuel your present state, easing the struggle held in our rational mind, tilting your eyes upward with the knowledge that there is always more to come!

You Must be Present to Win!

2011-08-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

Jack Kornfield's A Path With Heart has been on my reading list for some time. I'm finally getting around to reading it. I've given this book to loved ones, referred it out to clients, but now as I read it myself it means hiking up from the valley of my own avoidance. I call it a valley rather than a trap because we are never trapped. The experience of traveling as both human and spirit in this world is to cover a motley terrain of our proverbial peaks and valleys. Often we spiral back to where we've been with new tools and information so we may map a new direction. This book is presently my trailguide!

Kornfield discusses why its essential to move from our heart and what is needed to do so. We often think we're going to cease a pattern, by simply going cold turkey. We're going to stop smoking, stop drinking, stop sugar, stop interacting with a bad relationship, whatever it is not serving us, we're simply going to stop, put on our gameface and battle it. Yet the real battle is within. Our wars are so embodied and embedded into our way of life that "we have changed the name of the War Dept to the Defense Dept and call a whole class of nuclear missiles Peace Keepers!" We have dismembered ourselves due to our own internal battle..talk about repetitive stress injury!

Being present means sitting, emotionally more than physically, with our treasure trove of scars, traumas, patterns and all the icky-poo-poo which is the amalgam of our 'stuff'. The constant projection onto all the people, jobs, objects that are not working for us, becomes the scenery of our lives instead of sifting through what is fueling our struggles with them.

Meditation feels so uncomfortable when we begin to practice. We have to physically be still, leading to restlessness of mind, leading to thoughts, memories, emotions, leading to processing it. At which we can only stand about 10minutes of and become defeated, unfold and distract ourselves with something else. Yet when we go deeper we get to experience everything and when we experience everything, it is the true experience of being in our heart. We encounter polarities all the time…light/dark, north/south, Like/Unlike, mean MUNI driver/cute guy on the bus, sadness/happiness,…the law of polarity is never going to change in this dimension. Therefore the sooner we learn to embrace it, the less struggle we have. This is life as a whole. Kornfield explains this embrace as 'wise understanding'. Because when we begin to embrace, we being to understand. This understanding leads to the higher states of empathy and compassion coming from our heart. As this happens, we release the struggle within. That defiant wall around our heart begins to fall and we are cradled in peace.

When we have a peak in consciousness we begin to ask, "What is my purpose?" As the egoic walls fall away, all of sudden there is more space for our true state of being. Moving from our true state requires no effort, it just is. It's as natural as breathing. It's moving from the source which allows us to be in our fullest potential. We enter this world as beings with enormous potential and spend our lives in distraction from it. The potential of our being can power us in a migration through many passions and experiences in our lives. Can we allow ourselves to go there, free from the atonal orchestra of voices in our head? Only we hold the winning lottery ticket of our lives and we've got to be present to claim the prize!

Streaming Downloads

2011-04-02T14:57:00.000-07:00

"By realizing our own Self we become full, with nothing more to gain in life. Life becomes perfect." ~Amma

If we chose to allow the consciousness of our spirit inform what we do, how would the world change? Albert Einstein once said, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." Entrepreneurial genes run deep within me. While I am a Reiki therapist first, my mind is always spinning on how to spread the word about Reiki. When I receive Reiki, it's an automatic connection to my guides and I receive downloads of information. In one session a couple of years ago, I was receiving such information and my mind was asking "what do I do with that? How do I integrate that into my practice?, etc, etc." There were many questions about doing. And then came a very clear and firm voice which said, "We just want you to be Reiki." Eureka!

It made me think of Reiki in a different light. What is Reiki? What does it mean to be Reiki? When I practice Reiki on myself or others, it is unconditional, it's free, it's present and compassionate. Regardless of what my mind is thinking or body is feeling, the energy is fluid. So for me this is what it means to be Reiki. So when I find myself unsettled, I remember to simply be Reiki.

This means slowing down, as in walking meditation, placing one foot in front of the other, to be able to listen. Feeling my spirit, hearing its guidance and allowing it to inform my responses and motion.

In yoga and meditation, it is taught first and foremost to return to our breath. Our breath is the physicality of our essence. Yet how often do we pause in our daily lives to feel our breath and where it originates? What would our bodies look like if we allowed the consciousness of our spirit to fully inform what we do? Our old emotional patterning has informed who we are and what we do for so long there are aches, contortions, bulges filling the void of where light could exist.

When we meditate, or lie in savasana, or receive Reiki..any time we are in stillness, we begin to feel that sense of restoration. We are restored to our truest being, the place where we can feel our spirit and hear its guidance. So many times I have clients who come, receive this work, leave in a blissful state and then three days later wonder why they are irritable. We throw ourselves back into our lives with an old way of being we think works. We are being tuned in to higher vibration and we continue to try and put it into action instead embodying the consciousness it imparts.

When we read the spiritual teachings from various masters, we get the a-ha moments, but then go against our grain because we try so hard to act on them. We can do, we can read, we can meditate, we can process, but until we allow ourselves to become aligned and informed with spirit we will be in struggle.The playing field has changed. It's no longer about action but a simple allowance of the consciousness streaming through us to believe its possibilities and create our atmosphere.

Shifting Patterns

2011-02-26T17:43:00.000-08:00

On our second date, my beau asked what makes me angry. I really had to stop and think about his question. I hadn't been angry in a long time. I'd been spending every morning in meditation, in blissful solitude, my cat by my side. I lived alone in my neat little studio and my commute consisted of leisurely twenty minute walk from the Mission to Noe Valley. Now, four years later, with my beau and 5 year-old stepdaughter, we've created a happy household. However, there are times when this self-aware woman with a serene disposition has irrational incursions mucking up my bucolic mindscape.

Many of the questions I ask in our household often go unanswered such as, "Why is there a banana peel on your bedroom floor?" "Who put the empty milk carton back in the fridge?" "Why is this wet towel in our bed?" "Where is your backpack?" Of course every morning my beau sends me on a Psychic Scavenger Hunt. "Honey have you seen my..keys...wallet...glasses...shoes.?" Miraculously I know the whereabouts of all these things. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly and thank the Divine for our life together, but my life has dramatically changed and I find myself wrought with mercurial bursts of irritation a few times a week. It's very unsettling and quite frankly rocking my world and not in the good way.

Once saturation is reached, I never blow-up. It simmers and seeps out of me until steam is seen swirling from my ears. My lips press together and I walk at a clipped pace until my beau approaches me with the bewildered, "Honey what's wrong?"At which I reply a very strained bordering on low growl, "nothing!"

I have a bad habit...actually there's more than one. They vary in degree from insidious to benign. The one getting my attention lately is this uncomely reaction to irritants. Most of the time it's laughed about, but sometimes it creates a snowball of havoc. It's getting my attention because I realize these are my patterns at play and I'm done behaving like the wounded 12 year-old.

This particular passive-aggressive pattern of clamming up and stomping around exists in my father and my mother and even my grandmothers and now I've inherited it like a worn hand-me-down coat. It's not vintage, it's just old. But the more work I do on shifting patterns, the less interested I am in handing this down to my daughter.

The increasingly antiquated parental catchphrase, "Stop crying or I'll give you something good to cry about." was used ad nauseam throughout my childhood and most likely my parents'. As babies we cry to show our upset, frustration, discomfort. Growing into children we evolve in our communication, testing the waters of how far we can take our level of needs and wants. We begin to cry out of frustration which when not supported, quickly turns to anger, then grief. So when the aforementioned phrase was repeated I learned quickly that my voice was not going to be validated and I clammed up, for a long time.

Now in a loving supportive relationship with my family and myself, this self-imposed incommunicado has become unnecessary. And so, what to do with it? Patterns are with us and many times have been inherited through generations of mild to maniacal dysfunction. Much of time we don't see their sludgey existence as we continue to use them as ineffective tools in our lives. These patterns end up informing our behavior and even physical postures. My grandfather used to tell us to 'stop making that frown or else your face will stay that way.' this is what patterns do to us. They are the figurative muscles we've worked so much they've become contortions to our emotional and physical bodies...not to mention making our energy bad juju!

We've been living in a society where we medicate, drink, even botox it away. Yet the shift in consciousness has been rising and we are choosing healthier options. I'm seeing more clients choosing 'no' to anti-deps and anti-anxiety meds and wanting to find more effective ways in dealing with these issues in their lives. But again, how do we get there? Some very simplified steps are offered:

Step #1: Self-insight. When you begin to ask questions of yourself, why your relationships, your health, your life is a certain way, you may begin to see a pattern of behavior. This is the first step in creating an awareness that change may be needed.

Step #2: Explore. As you take a good look at your life, begin asking where these patterns come from. Do you remember this behavior in childhood? Do you remember how is was shaped?

Step #3: Recognition. Once you begin to have an awareness of the pattern and where it stems, you can begin to recognize when it comes up in your life.

Step #4: Choice: As you begin to recognize the pattern, take a moment to label it as such. So in other words, when I'm in clam-up mode, I say to myself, "okay this is my very old pattern, which is not serving me. How can I choose a different, more effective behavior?"

All of these steps are simplified and certainly require effort, especially the last one. When realizing and interacting with our patterns, it can feel as if that cute UPS guy just dropped off a big giftwrapped Pandora's box. Choosing a more effective behavior is a challenge. It's like working an atrophied muscle or learning a new language. Yet once we begin to utilize this new skill we realize we are creating a new, healthier pattern of behavior. The secret is this healthier version is hiding in all of us because it's sourced from our truest being, it's sourced from our heart and it's who we genuinely are as human beings.

So now as I work this new muscle, I'm gaining a new voice and a new way to gently communicate my upsets and frustrations. My heart continues to open along with it and that old, worn coat is shedding. Yet, the most gratifying of all is that my daughter will mature knowing she has a voice and it is valid.

My Funny Valentine

2011-02-03T18:03:00.000-08:00

February always meant Valentine's Day for me. Since I could remember, my mother would celebrate with red tablecloth, special dinner and of course..chocolate!!! And then there was the pageantry at school; the decadent parade of cupcakes and fruit punch, Valentines received by classmates, always receiving that one mysterious secret admirer Valentine from "?" and just as the hormones were kicking in, came the school dances filled with so much high drama they'd rival any reality show on networks today.

I've always loved Valentine's Day because it was the one holiday that called for sweetness, love, adoration of your sweetheart, fellow human being, your friend, whomever crossed your path. The day when cupids magically flew across the sky, shot their sparkly love arrows and striking unsuspecting souls that perhaps they too had a little heartspace for someone. Have I mentioned chocolate??

Okay chocolate aside, I'm keeping this brief. The collective consciousness is unifying. As we move warp speed ahead towards 2012 we are being energetically rewired and realigned. Have you noticed that some of the things you used to labor over have simply fallen away? Or perhaps you've noticed that it's just time to get past the story and move forward. What are we moving forward towards? Our heart, which holds our grace, our compassion, our inherent love for ourselves and all others. Quite simply, our heart holds our unity.

It's challenging to be in our hearts. We have so many layers imprinted on us from the time we were in diapers. By the time we reach adulthood we're weary travelers who have forgotten our stunning, God-given beauty within. Our backs are tired from carrying other people's beliefs. I've seen it and you all are so drop-dead beautiful, it makes me teary-eyed. It's what keeps me here doing this strange, lovely work.

You've heard me speak before about our true state residing within. But first we have to get past the gatekeeper of Ego. Seeing our patterns is the first step. When we're triggered we react in our patterns of behavior. Yet once we can see our patterns, then we can choose to respond differently. When we respond we come from a true, divine place called our heart.

I invite all of us to be in our heart and acknowledge that within our heart lies a Divine being. Respond from this place. Let is shine through in your eye contact, let it flow through in your actions, let it breathe through in your mindfulness, let it finally take its place in this world because it is so desperately needed.

You are all so loved!

Forgiveness

2010-12-31T12:20:00.000-08:00

Over the winter solstice I went 'underground' on personal retreat for two days. The objective was to restore, replenish and call back the energy that was sent in a million directions over the year. Driving down into the coastal redwoods along the ridgeback of King's Mountain, I began to feel the majesty and mysticism this land held.There was a veil of afternoon fog allotting for about 50 feet visibility along Skyline Drive as if to say, "almost, but not yet".

Upon entering the retreat center there were stones lining the path carved with individual messages, "How far down the rabbit hole are you willing to go?". I'd go into how magnificent this place was, but it would be a colossal digression from the point of this posting, so I'll remain on track and provide only a whisper of the link...psst..Stillheart.

As I was shown to my room, each door along the corridor was marked with nameplates honoring higher states of consciousness, i.e., Samadhi, Equanimity, Compassion..I was led to Forgiveness. My immediate thought was "hmm, I've already worked on forgiveness, there's really nothing more for me to contemplate on that one." and just chalked it up to random coincidence...coincidence really being an illusion to what we inherently know is present. Being through my fair share of betrayals and violations, perhaps there was a fragment still hiding out to be acknowledged.

It was in the following morning meditation when I discovered one of the pieces. Hidden deep in my belly was an anger which never found its voice. A nagging frustration at the Divine. I've allowed myself to be angry with the people who were the cornerstones of these betrayals, yet I found that I also had unresolved grievances with the Divine and its crafty inner workings. Yet as soon as the bubbling of anger arrived it dissolved into the vast pool of heartspace and faith I hold for this higher wisdom which I aligned with long before entering this plane. It was that effortless.

Pema Chodron has said, "Openess doesn't come from resisting our fears, but from getting to know them well." And so I continued my morning with the theme of Forgiveness residing in the back of my mind. Wondering where I would find the next opportunity for this higher state, I took a quiet hike along the cathedral floor of redwoods. With the mist dancing along ribbons of sunlight, I thought about the destruction from the blight of logging that happened over a century before. All of King's Mountain and the surrounding areas had once been plundered by men with oxen and saws. The groan of mud, trudge, work songs, dynamite, whiskey, and whips on work animals sounded deep below the earth that was once vulnerable and exposed. 2,000 year-old redwoods expanding to 75 feet diameter had fallen to their death. Grizzly bears which were ubiquitous throughout the region had vanished by the year 1874, not to mention the indigenous tribes which communed harmoniously with the land for centuries before the arrival of European settlers.

Yet as I walked, each step falling softly and consciously on the forest floor, I understood another layer of Forgiveness. This land was teaching me about the perseverance which powers Forgiveness. Perseverance is what this land used to revive itself enough to be forgiving, enough to replenish with new growth. Those stately keepers of the forest had fallen, but the land forgave because it had no choice. It persevered in the face of betrayal, molestation and destruction. Their anger and pain gave them life-force to multiply, thrive and provide new habitat. Ferns growing over the oxen trails and new growth joining in Fairy Rings to honor the fallen.

We are fortunate to be able to walk in this meditation of Forgiveness throughout Northern California. When we walk amongst new growth, we can let our hearts pour out for the pain the land has endured and yet we can gain wisdom and inspiration for its perseverance which led to the land's forgiveness, which led to its resilience to continue not only its survival, but its embrace of life-force gifted from the Divine. May we bring this deep act of Forgiveness and all that it powers into the New Year. May it assist in a shedding of old stories and may it create shift for the highest of good.

Namaste and may blessings surround you in 2011.

Your comments are always so welcomed.

.

Lighten Up.

2010-12-01T12:46:00.001-08:00

There's a line in the film "When Harry Met Sally" when Billy Crystal says to Meg Ryan, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin right away." It may sound odd, but the moment I touched in to Spirit, I felt the same way and began doing everything in my power to scramble closer to that relationship. And, as with any relationship there were (and still are) some hurdles, rocky points paired with the blissful.

When we first connect with that deeply spiritual place residing in each of us, it's not always an easy place to be. By the time we reach that place of connection we realize that one of us is far more superior than the other and we better pony up if we're gonna be a good match. We realize it's time to do our work.

Upon entering this world we arrive as big energetic beings living in small infant bodies. Have you ever noticed how babies have no filters and just stare you down? There are no imprints yet left behind by a parent, peer, teacher, etc. Over time we begin to be layered with these imprints..some good..some not so good. By time we begin seeking who we are and looking at the broader picture we look out from underneath all the layers of 'stuff' we've accumulated over the years.

Our seeking a spiritual connection ultimately leads us to an opportunity to begin shedding the layers. We begin to take stock of our life and weed out the beliefs, patterns and behaviors which no longer serve us. In his book, After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, Jack Kornfield, a leading Buddhist teacher, speaks about our spritual path as being circular rather than linear. To paraphrase, he says we continue on a circle hitting our karma at one point along the path. The first time we may get blindsided, but subsequently gain new information and tools so by the time we encounter it again...and again..the charge of the karma dissolves.

As we continue to gain new tools and information, we organically replace the old information which has caused our emotional patterning, physical postures, facial expression and even body weight. As this happens we shed the old...lightening up the load, leading us toward new knowledge..hence enlightenment!

As I mentioned in the beginning of this posting, I scrambled to do anything I could to get closer to Spirit. I meditated for hours in a day, went on retreats, read books, sought spiritual advice. What I ultimately realized is that Spirit is always within, just waiting for you to show up. To see It, to see you for who you really are.

Enlightenment is not about sitting on a mountaintop and waiting for wisdom to arrive. Sure it helps, but not pragmatic for most. It's more about seeing, witnessing and shifting our 'stuff' as we encounter it. We must look at what is not serving us, see our reflection within it and begin to excavate so we may have more room for our Spirit to shine through.

Thanks-Giving

2010-11-11T10:47:00.001-08:00

The number 108 is known in mathematics as an Abundant Number. In Eastern religions it is known as a sacred number. It is the number of beads on a mala. Many temples have 108 steps. Personally I use the 108 beads on my mala to recite the Om Mani Padme Hum to invoke compassion or Aham Prema for Divine Love.

Every November I create a morning around the Thanksgiving holiday to be in nature, plant my feet on the earth and remember 108 things for which I am grateful. Each one is said while beading the mala to create a collective meditation of gratitude.

Part of manifesting is to have gratitude. The energy, ideas, insights come in from our Universal or Divine connection, flows through our core energetic called the sushumna nadi down through our root and into the earth. We then draw up the energy from the Earth connection to flow out into the world.When we receive the fruit of what we manifest, we give thanks for the return of the energetic cycle. The more we connect with this cycle, the more empowered we become in our belief that we are in working relationship with something higher than ourselves.

We all, no matter the hardships we've endured in our lives have something to be grateful for. As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr said in his infamous "I've been to the Mountaintop" speech.."...only when it is dark enough, can you see the stars."

During this month of family, feasting and prepping for the holiday season, bring forth your gratitude for at least one thing in your life. I'm sure once you begin you'll discover many more gifts!

I'd love to hear your gratitude..what are you grateful for this Thanks-giving? Please share under the Comments.

Namaste*

Omnipresence:

2010-10-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

A recurring nightmare haunted me throughout my eighth year of life. Mean people did bad things, people died or were taken away. There were masks and knives and other things that were particularly unsettling for an 8 year-old to experience in the middle of the night. Certain now that my parents' divorce played a part in this, at the time I was just a kid freaked out by this dream that wouldn't cease.

Growing up with a hippie for a mom, there wasn't really a recognized religion in our home, but I always had a deep connection with Spirit, Divine,God..whatever you wish to name it. To reach out or get closer I thought it would be a good idea to teach myself, at 8 years old, the Lord's Prayer.."Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.." I thought learning this prayer and saying it at night would make the nightmare stop. And so, every night for about a month I said this prayer.

One night I awoke after the nightmare charged again in my head. I sat up trying to bring calm to myself and reiterating the mantra my mother taught me that it was 'only a dream, only a dream...' and then through the midnight quiet, a glowing form of a woman in white came to sit at my bedside. While the sight of this sudden misty being should have launched me into my closet, instead I was calm and became calmer at each second of her presence. She smiled a crescent line and placed her hand on my leg, her long white hair falling around her shoulders. She sat with me for only half a minute and then her essence evaporated before my eyes. I fell back asleep certain of what I'd seen was real, yet not searching for an explanation.

The next day I told my mother and a friend who was her psychic of what I'd seen. My mother's friend pulled me close and smiled, she told me what I'd seen was my Guardian Angel, or one of my Spirit Guides and to always call on them when I needed help. The next night I slept peacefully without the same nightmare recurring in my head, and it never returned.

Every once in a while, if we allow our eyes to be open and our senses to be aware, we connect with energies outside of our present dimension. We connect when our minds are still, when we are in a quieter space. We get those little downloads of information and those priceless 'a-ha!' moments. Sometimes we even feel a palpable energy embracing and supporting us. It's easy to get mired in our heads and busy lives, where we may not always feel like we are supported but these energies are always with us.

Often when practicing Distance Healing. We create an opportunity to work with the spirit of a person or circumstance instead of the egoic sheild typically wrapping around a person's physical body. I'm called often to work with those who are in process of crossing over or passing away from this physical life. Sometimes it can be an uneasy process for spirits to navigate their way into the next dimension. I find the work I do in Distance Healing assists them in making the transition of letting go while also assisting existing family members to let go.

A few weeks ago I had this opportunity arise with my own grandmother. At 82 she had Alzheimer's and had rapidly deteriorated over the last year. In late September she developed pneumonia and had recovered, however once she was released from the hospital her appetite and will to live had dwindled. We were all making flight arrangements to be with her because we were told she was in her last days. Unable to get away in enough time I began to send her Distance Healing. As I did I connected with her spirit which was already bathed in a rose quartz light, a sign that she was supported in our love and prayers. Going deeper I then saw her standing in the center of a bridge. One side which seemed to represent the side closest to our dimension, was dim and almost cloudy. The other side was effulgent with an enormous angel standing at the other side. My first thought upon seeing that was, "Damn they're not playing around up there!" I also saw other figures of light welcoming her over. Yet she stood in the center not quite sure or ready to cross over. She knew her daughters were coming to be by her bedside and she was holding on.

My mother and aunts sat by her bed, held her hand, rubbed her feet, sang her songs and played family videos. Friends and family filtered through to say their goodbyes. She was going. And while she was primarily incoherent, she signaled by fluttering her eyes and squeezing hands. She lingered in the in-between just long enough until the party was over. My aunts and mother decided to take a break for dinner that evening and went out for an hour. 20minutes after they left a nurse entered my grandmother's room and put on a new cd. It was one of her favorite gospels, "Beulah Land", and unbeknownst to the nurse, one she had requested years before to be played while she was laid to rest. Upon hearing it, she struggled to sit up, opened her eyes wide and smiled the grandest smile as if she had seen the most spectacular vision. She gently laid back down, closed her eyes and took her last breath. She crossed that bridge.

My mother called and as I received the news, I stepped outside and silently asked for a sign that she was peaceful. I asked for a hummingbird to appear. Sure enough, not 10 seconds later, a hummingbird flew over our house, down into our garden and fluttered beside me two feet away. I thanked it, I thanked her and I continue to thank God for being with us always.

Being Home

2010-09-08T10:01:00.000-07:00

Some of us..and you know who you are...are cursed with the insatiable disorder of wanderlust. I call it a disorder because it apeears in the body as a dull to sometimes throbbing ache from deep in the belly, to the heart. The ache then goes on to cause such mental distress of having to go, "somewhere", that your head feels it will spontaneously combust at any moment.

This is an affliction I've dealt with for much of my life. Even worse for me because if I'm unable to spend at least a month in one place and absorb its pulse, then it's heartbreaking to even go, but I manage.

Years ago I read the book, Eat, Pray, Love and recently saw the film. If you've not read or seen either, you'll want to know it's less about a chick flick and more about a journey of self-discovery. The character, Liz, while simultaneously traveling through her own journey of shedding skins eats her way through Italy, finds her soul in India and retrieves her heart in Bali. It wasn't until the images of Bali splashed across the screen, its lush, emerald landscape thinly veiled in cloud rings, that my finger began to point like E.T. and repeating "Home!" as my heart glowed in my chest. Having been raised in Florida,I'm a tropical girl at heart, but these images stopped me. The palms swaying, the rice paddies with temples descending their terraces like benevolent kings & queens, the sparkling water, the hindu mixed with buddhism..I could feel the humidity through the screen and wanted to dive into that wonderland.

Upon leaving the theater, all I could think about was booking my flight to Bali. And so I'm going, like a thousand other women who've seen this film. My reason for going to Bali is not in search of romance. I feel incredibly fortunate to already have that in my life. There is something about this enchanted island which is calling me from a deeply ancient, cellular place in my body. I know when there a connection will be made. It's as if I'm an orphaned child and Bali is my birth parent..it's deep. And because of this there has been a melancholy bordering on anxiety of wanting to go as soon as possible. And..there is a time for everything.

Ambrose Bierce once defined patience as "a minor form of despair disguised as a virtue." Those of us who are afflicted with wanderlust know that patience is the key to sanity in between our journeys. I'm exagerrating of course, but there is an indescribable longing which mounts when too much time has lapsed between wanders. And with patience comes grounding.

My melancholy moved through much the way a mild thunderstorm passes over a summer afternoon. If you've lived in the southeast you know what I mean. I began to see my current surroundings in a new light. The on-screen images igniting my heart were qualities which could also be found here at home. Gentleness, openess, peace, joy, vibrance, love, warmth, ease, spirit, all of which reside within me no matter where I go. So from now until I go next year. I practice a meditation, how can we be home within?

Whatever we're longing for, can we find it within? If we're unable to find it how can we cultivate it? In our daily lives we extend our energy in so many directions that we forget our home. When we forget our home there is disarray and when there is disarray there is disharmony in our emotional body causing distress, anxiety, melancholy, stress. Of course this wears on the physical body bringing muscular tension, digestive issues, etc. As I walk through my neighborhood I enjoy the fragrant jasmine, the night sky, the happy dog, the rolling hills, the venerable peak of Mt. Tam saying "Namaste" to the sky. As I return to what is within, my heart opens to what is before me. A pleasant anticipation replaces the manic, insatiable need to "GO". And when I go, I'll go as a whole instead of a fragment of myself.

This is practice of embodiment..embodying the present..the gift. In the practice of being home we are most alive. When we move from this place we are authentically engaged with everything around us. Acceptant of what is, our visibility becomes more inclusive of life's flow. In this place we can be home anywhere and without it will always be home-sick.

Reconciliation

2010-08-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

This fall I'm joining two fantastic yoga teachers, Elise Collins and Katie Louderback to teach the Essential Fertility 9/11 & Essential Pre-natal 10/9 Workshops at Yoga Tree. After working with women for years around the energetics and emotions of fertility and their prenatal months, I realized that many of the same issues of reconciling with our bodies continued to arise. While Elise and Katie have children of their own, my body took a different turn a few years ago and it is with great honor that I bring this experience to workshops and my work with women.

In the winter of 2008, my beau and I were enjoying the new year along with our 7-month relationship. We had just celebrated our first Christmas together along with his 2 1/2 year-old daughter. Finally growing our landlegs after blissful trips away and weekends with our little trio, we began sinking into a more comfortable place while holding the boundaries of our respective residences in place.

That January's new moon came and went, but this time did not bring the cleanse of my menstrual cycle. A few days later I found I was pregnant. Elation and uncertainty swirled around us as we made our way into very honest conversations with each other, ourselves, family and close friends. He, divorced for only a year with a new daughter and I in my late 30s, blossoming career and cherished independence. What to do? Do we move forward together? Loved each other..check! Aligned in our lifestyles..hmmm...check. Aligned in our style of parenting...check. Thought we might like to be together long-term..check. Loved each other...check! After a week of checks and balances we decided to move forward. In fact the moment those two words.."I'm pregnant" left my mouth, he was on Craigslist looking for a home for all of us. In fact the idea of having a child together was much more of a reality for us than terminating a pregnancy. Only 5 weeks along, the words "I'm pregnant" morphed from a small audible whisper to a guilty pleasure shared with only a few people to adhere to the taboo of telling the world before it's time.

I spent the days eating carefully, carefully studying everything there was to know about my body and what was happening, meditating, sending Reiki to the tiny being..and actually feeling them sending something back..kind of like the first time Horton heard a Who. The message from the Seuss story resounded through my head, ‘‘even though you can’t see or hear them at all, a person’s a person, no matter how small’’ And so, I carried. Checking in, giving them space, consulting intuitives, consulting baby names, creating baby names. Receiving abundant support from our families, holistic practitioners, friends, universe, my cat. All the while moving forward..or rather being whisked forward into the new idea of living with my beau, his daughter, having a child and having it all work. And so, I maintained.

We found a sweet place in Sausalito with a patio overlooking the Bay, draped in antique roses and owned by the world's most gracious Irishman. We signed the handwritten lease with a move-in date set for 3 weeks out. One week later I began spotting. One week after that I had a miscarriage. As I write this tears still surprisingly arrive and my heart breaks every time I think of it. It was a scary time, a lonely time, an all out dreadful time. And because society has such a varied response, I didn't know if I should curl up and die or if I should just continue to 'maintain'. And so, I resided in a limbo space between.

A week lumbered by and my hCG levels continued to drop along with my soul. My litigiously shy OB/GYN, erring on the side of caution against malpractice, assured me there was no need for a D&C. Having had enough of the numbers and enough of needles taking my blood, I stopped going for tests, trusting my acupuncturist and that everything would balance out. Three weeks later my body seemed like it was coming back into some normalcy. My energy felt more balanced. While my mood improved..much was set aside to step into a brand new living situation. We had signed a year's lease and moved forward into moving in together which was a whole other impossible scenario.

I continued my work with clients and practiced Reiki, the only thing which brought peace and sanity at the time. Two months later I was getting on with my life more physically than emotionally, knowing the latter would have its time. One morning while I was working I began to feel intense cramping and pain which literally brought me to my knees. Thinking it would subside I took a break and ironically laid in the Happy Baby yoga position. The pain continued into the afternoon and upon reaching my OB/GYN she told me to get another hCG test to see if my hormone levels had sufficiently dropped. The next morning I did and upon seeing an additional ultrasound, she resolved that I was having an incomplete miscarriage. I had never fully miscarried and now two and half months later I was going through the hell all over again.

I wish I could say I had immeasurable support around me during the time of my miscarriage, but honestly I did not. Primarily because I chose not to share with many people, but even family and friends who knew, simply thought of miscarriage as an unlucky thing that just happens during the first trimester. My beau had been so busy with an out of town business deal that called him away often and I threw myself into caring for his daughter when we had her 50% of the time. Changing diapers, potty-training, reading stories, cooking meals..all during a time when my own chance at a baby was disintegrating.

It was one of the few times in my life where I felt such intense sadness, heartbreak, resentment, frustration, despair and feeling so completely misunderstood. A quiet rage uncoiled in my body with no place to escape. Physically, my body was exhausted with upheaval. I also understood there was an opportunity, a necessity, to reconcile with my body, the skin and bones which had kept me safe, healthy, functioning and now enveloped me in fetal position. I gave it time to rest, to feel emotion, to finally express emotion. Little angels in the way of dreams, neighbors, teachers, students, friends came in one by one. I was healing my physical body, but coming to terms with all the esoteric why?s My body was my own, and I had no choice but to forgive it for not being in perfect synchronicity with me. I had to catch up to the idea of being pregnant and then just as quickly had to catch up to the idea of not.

Since that time much healing has been done. Emotionally, physically, energetically. I've discovered many answers to the many 'why?s' with still some unknowns. I'm happy to say we are a family of three by choice. I'm perfectly healthy to have a child of my own, but now at 41 I have other plans for my life. My creative efforts go into other forms. I place hands on the bellies of other women feeling their spaciousness or an occasional kick and I smile at that sacred place with a shared empathy of where they've been, where they are and may go. Our womb is a place of physical and energetic creation. Our place of vibrance and intuition. It is a place to trust even in the face of betrayal. Using our hearts, it is the place where we must continue to reconcile throughout its metamorphosis.

As always, I love your comments! In lieu of a reading list I am including a link with an interview with psychotherapist Claudine Solin Radford about her work with pregnancy loss. Preterm and Neonatal Loss Claudine sees clients and shares her extraordinary work here in San Francisco at Acupuncture Kitchen .

Let's Do the Timewarp Again!!

2010-06-28T14:43:00.000-07:00

As my span of years becomes longer, why is it the days seem shorter? Try as I might to rise at 5:30am..ok sometimes 7am on the weekends, it never seems like there is enough time to do everything needed in a day. In the office four days a week sounds like bliss for most, but those who take their work home with them can relate that there is never really an 'off' day. As a small business owner this is certainly the case. When clients say to me, "Wow you have 3 days off? That must be so nice!" It is..and unless I'm on vacation, I'm never really taking a day off. There is business development, writing, creating workshops, collaborating with other practitioners. Then there is the domestic 'stuff' groceries, errands, cleaning, laundry, cooking for our family of three. Finally, because my work is in holistic health, I've got to practice what I preach, so there's the yoga, meditation, Reiki, bodywork, acupuncture, walking, reading, eating well....AAARRRRGGGHHH!! There's no time for it allllllll!!!! I'm diagonally parked in a parallel soccermom universe!

whew, ok. There was a time when my life was not parallel with a soccermom. A time when I would wake early, workout, yoga, hike 5miles, meet friends for lunch. I was in great shape, yet oddly I wasn't as fulfilled. Do not mistake..I don't find it necessary to fill my time in order to be fulfilled. However when you are doing what fulfills you, it does not come without commitment.

The premise of my work in this world is to facilitate healing in people, not necessarily fixing them. Therefore, much of what I do is guide and counsel on ways to incorporate healthy options into existing lifestyles. When I ask people, do you have a yoga or meditation practice, they look at me sheepishly as if the dog ate their homework. I'm just trying to find out what works for them and how we can bring in a bit more balance.

When clients tell me they just don't have time, I counter with modifying the TO-DO list. I'm incredibly guilty of having an overwhelming list of things to complete in a day. It used to be one long legal sheet of paper crammed with phone calls, emails, errands..oh and gotta get that powerwalk or yoga class in. I'm guilty of going without yoga for weeks on end then wondering why my body feels so stuck. It's the low back pain which reminds me to return to what unwinds me.

I've learned to modify my To-Do list by categorizing..Professional: Home: Personal: and giving equal time to each. When realizing that the Personal time is just as important in your schedule it becomes more of a necessity and less of a frivolity.

So when I take my scheduled powerwalk through the beautiful hills of my neighborhood and drop in to my 90min yoga class, time suddenly slows. The 'not-enough-time' mantra fades to silent. The sun warms my body, the jasmine graces the air I breathe and life is just good.

The more we learn about wellness, the less we accept the old paradigm of medicating our ailments. When we actively become a participant in our body's wellbeing, the payoffs are huge. So scheduling that bodywork session, yoga, workout, or even 20min if stillness will allow you to drop into a timewarp of the best kind, where everything slows its pace just a bit than before.

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

2010-06-01T12:07:00.001-07:00

There is something about getting away, unplugging and decompressing which unfolds a person to their vibrance. I recently returned from 10 days vacation and when I tell people I went to Florida, they give me a somewhat suspicious look due to their own preconceptions of what the Sunshine State is. It's a lot of things; home to a popular mouse in short red pants, swamps and alligators, snowbirds migrating to their dappled timeshares...heck my hometown is even called Winter Haven. While I have unplugged in many spots around the globe, there is still something about this place which completely unwinds me and brings me back to when I was 5 years-old running barefoot fast as I could to the lake, ocean or pool...anywhere offering a refreshing place to swim. The town where I grew up brims with 100 natural lakes linked together by small canals allowing boats to meander through each of their waterways. They say this is where waterskiing was invented, it is afterall, home of Cypress Gardens, once the "Waterski Capital of the World". This part of the country teeters between deep south and Northeast migration. Growing up in an extended family entirely bred in Brooklyn, yet eating some of the best cornbread and collards made by my elementary school lunchladies has threaded me with gentility sans the drawl..although a 'y'all' does breathe through now and again.

This trip was a first for my beau and stepdaughter. I got to introduce them to this southern spot with its swaying moss and cypress trees, blasted out with all things Disney for one day (and one day only) then headed over to the tiny islands dotting the Gulf side of the peninsula. A whole other piece of the state which I pray will not be destroyed in the recent offshore drilling disaster. Here, the turquoise waters teem with manatees, dolphins, sea turtles and manta-rays. You can swim for hours in the 80 degree water and never tire..primarily because you can swim 50 yards offshore and still stand on a sandbar in waist-deep water. The sugar white sand laps at the coastline and mangroves with osprey nests cluster the intercoastal waterways. We swam, sunned, explored hidden beaches, collected shells, ate fresh fish and completely unfolded.

I could go on about the beauty of this place. Oddly, when I was younger I couldn't wait to get away, now I long to get back any chance I can. The moment I touch down in the 85 degrees fused with 90% humidity any tension in my regular places begins to melt away. The jasmine-scented evenings bring me back to a time when email, voicemail and laptops were nonexistent. A place when people called instead of texting and a place where as a kid you could take off and swim, build forts and rollerskate all day until your mother called you for dinner.

This place still exists. And as I return to my west coast home I am a bit homesick but, moreso reminded of its vibrance as an essential part of my being. When we get away from the every day, we are able to shed the urgency, release control of it. When we go on vacation we give ourselves license to have fun, indulge, enjoy life in the present. This release allows our light to shine through again. As we relax during our time away, our adrenals and central nervous system calms, the mind says '..later' the shades to our soul fly open. Yes, there are many ways to retrieve this piece within us, but something about going away returns us back to where we're meant to be. Swimming those waters, feeling the warmth, I infuse it into my present life. While doing so, a piece of that southern swagger returns...the best souvenier of the entire trip!

Your comments are always welcome! Please enjoy this month's reading list:

Leading With Your Heart

2010-04-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

When practicing Reiki, I work primarily on a clairsentient level..meaning I feel emotions, imbalances, etc with my hands. I feel little 'pings' or waves of emotion as I'm invited into relationship of an individual's sacred space.

One of the most common areas revealing emotions is the front and back of the heart.Our heart is the place of unconditional love and compassion for ourselves and all others. It governs the thymus gland which assists in healthy immune function. It is one of the upper centers which allow us to experience the world at a universal level.

The upper back and shoulders is where we hold most of our tension, as if we're bracing ourselves against the world. In her book, The Places That Scare You, Pema Chodron writes, "..we can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful or afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us."

We so often attach to our stories of how things should be. Standing, stiffening in our ground in spite of what is in our hearts. Yet when we observe wth our hearts how they could be, we begin to organically open to possibility.

Nubia Teixeira is a beautiful yoga and dance instructor who teaches Heart Flow Yoga. She chants to her students, "lead with your heart, lead with your heart" She then postures on what it's like when we lead with our heads or our bellies instead of the heart. One can see how this posture pervades society when we forget the unbelievable availability at our hearts' center.

An invitation:
Try for one week to practice leading with your heart. See how your posture shifts, your mindset towards others and your mindset towards yourself. Then begin to witness how love or compassion or forgiveness enters into your life in the most interesting and sweetest of ways.

Reading List:

Posturing:

2010-04-01T12:12:00.000-07:00

Some of you have noticed me hobbling around with a knee brace for the past couple of months due to a torn meniscus. The pain mysteriously showed up after simply skipping over some puddles in Point Reyes. Admittedly I'm not as agile as I used to be, but for gosh sakes, I can still skip puddles without engaging an icepack the next day! So after my hobble continued for a few weeks I went to see an orthopedist. The MRI confirmed a torn meniscus and the doctor scheduled surgery for me on April 8th. Yet as we were having the conversation I realized this problem may have been a long slow injury and needed more attention than what could be done surgically.

As I paid more attention, I began to also notice that not only was my knee painful, but my left hip and low back were contributing to my hobble. My chiropractor confirmed my hip and pelvis were out of alignment. My acupuncturist confirmed the same. After being adjusted and got my chi flowing better I realized the pain in my knee was subsiding. In this realization, I did what any other Reiki therapist would do...I gave it Reiki!

As I've said before, Reiki offers the body a deep, quiet place to recover from is emotional and physical unrest. In giving this injury Reiki I began to realize that the real injury, the original pain was happening in my hips and pelvis. Emotions which have been stored there for a long time began to arise first in small waves and flowing into a major tsunami! Fortunately with guides, teachers and inner wisdom I held space for it. As glimpses of memories popped in I found anxiety in trying regain the full memory, trying to attach the story. This was inhibiting my body's need to simply feel the emotion held at a cellular level. So I got out of my own way and let it move through. There is much liberation in allowing your body to feel and do its work without the mind's attachments. This is the beauty of Reiki. Once this cleansing of cellular memory and emotion happened, a clarity took its place. My emotional and physical posturing have become different. Because the posturing is improved the pain continues to diminish.

I saw my doctor earlier this week after I had been to my first yoga class in two months. I showed him the new mobility of my knee and his jaw dropped. We agreed there was no need for surgery at this time. Yes, I still have a brace and having compassion for my body's healing process. None of this happened overnight and it will certainly take time for trauma to be released and things to arrive at their new position. Once these pieces feel they are home and I still need surgery then we'll approach it. But for now I continue to listen, care, and send this beautiful energy into the places needed most, meeting this body once again for the first time. As I witness physical recovery I also feel the empowerment of its very organic process.

2010-03-06T15:11:00.000-08:00

Comparison Shopping:

People love to watch other people. We even refer to some places as "good people-watching spots". There is the newer phenomena of reality shows and social networking sites. Who's better than who? Who's getting voted off? What has so-and-so set as their status today? It has always been and continues to be a multi-cultural pastime. We are social animals and love to be in touch and interact. Yet as we watch each other the undercurrent action can be comparison.

A few weeks ago my aunt was asking about my life out here in California. She wondered when I was going to settle down and have a family because I'm 'not getting any younger..' ouch! When I told her I was pretty happy with my present life, she provided her opinion that I was 'still living like a 20 year-old'. At first I shrugged it off, but after a while those words still hung in the air like damp socks. Wow, maybe I was still living like a 20 year-old...compared to my cousins back east who are all married with a couple of kids, mortgages, 9-5 salaried jobs..one even has a pension!

My mind raced around itself panicking that even though I have been in a committed relationship with my beau for 3 years now, I wasn't 'married', even though I'm "Fairy Godmother" to his now 5 year-old daughter, I'm not a mommy, even though we rent a great house in one of the most beautiful areas of Marin County, we don't pay a mortgage, and even though I've created a career of helping others and doing what I absolutely love, I don't have an employer-matched 401K. GASP! What was I doing with my life?! In just a few short hours of hearing her words I second-guessed the past 7 years of my life and began sending out resumes, researching schools, I need a salaried career..STAT! I'll dump my beau and his daughter and put myself back on the market as future wife and Mom. And I'll move back east to a town with half the standard of living...and no views so I can buy a home..PRONTO!

But wait..I love what I do. I make a great living which provides me with everything I need. I love where we live, seeing deer in our yard and being able to hike out our front door. I love my beau dearly and the opportunity to help raise a bright little girl (I even helped potty train her when she was two). And so I relaxed the panic button. My aunt, God love her, has a different east-coast, yankee, bordering on puritanical perspective. She's never moved across the country to live in a new place, she's never been self-employed, she's never been self-employed in one of the most expensive places to live, and since she was happily married by 20 years old, she never experienced the madness of dating as a woman in her late 30s...enough said about that one!

Even though more people are waiting till later to marry and have children, more people are exploring their passions in life and aligning them with a career-path, and more people are opting for single-sized living, we tend to compare ourselves to the box of societal (some would even argue as antiquated) norms. We make the American Dream a standard of how we should be living our lives instead of enjoying the life we're living. We fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to everyone else instead of looking within. And many times when we finally 'have it all' we wonder why we're still longing for something else.

The best thing we can do whether we're 20, 40 or even 70 is to know who we are, enjoy where we are and appreciate what we are doing with our lives. I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson: To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

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The One

2010-02-01T11:59:00.000-08:00

I'm currently reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book Committed. The author of the bestseller, Eat, Pray, Love now writes about making peace with the idea of marriage after having been a longtime skeptic. A great read discovering the various concepts of marriage and commitments we make in relationships.

There is an excerpt in her book in which she speaks about searching for 'the One'. She uses the mythical story by Aristophanes who tells of how once upon a time all humans were conjoined walked around with two heads, four arms and four legs and were either male/female, male/male or female/female. These creatures walked around completely contented until Zeus severed them all in half due to their disrespect of worshipping the gods. Afterwards they roamed the land always in search of 'the One' to satisfy their longing for wholeness.

When I met my beau a girlfriend asked me, "Is he the One?" I noticed that my heart didn't leap with giddiness when asked this question. After being married briefly at too young an age and a very long line of dating and relationship mishaps I realized that despite it all I was not cynical, but realistic. This idea that someone is the One to make you happy and complete is alot to place on another person. I realize that the only One for me is me. The only One who can make me happy is me. The most important relationship I'll ever have in my life is with myself. Now don't be mistaken, I love my partner and our heartspace fuels our compassion, respect and chemistry for each other. Our relationship complements the peace and joy I have in my life. It's my hope that we'll live a long happy life together. However, I cannot in good conscience make him or anyone else responsible for the happiness in life.

The other piece about relationships is that they are about relating with one another. They are about relating to your lover, your friends, your family, your children, yourself and your faith in a higher wisdom..which ultimately is within you. If I ran for the hills at every hint of discord I wouldn't be present or consciously relating to the person. Relationships are one of the best mindfulness practices. Relating is about staying in your center while also having malleability with those around you..even your faith. I'm not condoning living with dysfunction because this would lack compassion for yourself. I am simply saying that all people have their own 'stuff' and as we cultivate relationships we'll surely encounter it and it's typically a mirror for our own 'stuff'.

So as we move through our lives and encounter fellow seekers be mindful of the last time you sat solely with yourself and found joy, peace and butterflies. That soul, beneath all the layers is the One who will ultimately lead you to true happiness.

You are loved!

Jennifer Brinn, Reiki & Intuitive Wellness

New Year's Intentions Aligned with your Spirit

2009-12-30T13:34:00.000-08:00

The month of December has always been a month of winding down. When I think of December, I think of the darkest days of the winter solstice, feeling like a bear hibernating snugly in a cave amidst a deep evergreen forest blanketed by snow. During this time, my mind wants no more input from the past year other than the gifts of lessons gained. This holiday was a bittersweet celebration of family..the one year anniversary of my uncle's sudden death from pancreatic cancer was grieved on December 28th not before we joyfully celebrated my mother's 60th birthday on Christmas Day. So as I returned home from the snowy east coast I found myself ready to rest in this limbo space between Christmas and New Year's and ponder the new year ahead.

As December feels like a hibernation, January has always been like a bright snowy morning when everything is still and the sunshine and snow speak to each other in lingering glisten. It is the month of promise, a clean slate. For years I sat and wrote resolutions, that I would do more yoga, lose weight, eat better, etc. Nothing wrong with any of these, yet they seemed to be more of a regurgitation of commercial campaigns and even the prior year instead of what my soul truly wanted. I learned in order to achieve what I wanted in my life I had to do three things: Align with what my soul wanted, trust that it was the best thing for me and create a realistic plan of how to get there.

Some suggestions on creating intentions aligned with your Spirit are...

Sitting in stillness. Finding time in the new year to be still whether it is a retreat or simply a few minutes each day. Unplugging from iPods, iPhones, laptops, TV, etc and seeing what settles in their place.

Think about the qualities you'd like more of in your life. Listening to the cravings. You may hear, I want more spontanaiety, I want more adventure, I want more love, I want more peace. Then begin to think about what represents these things in your life. Maybe adventure connects with more daytrips, or learning a new language. Maybe love means connecting more intimately with your partner, connecting with your loved ones more often, or finding more love for yourself.

From this place you'll begin to see a picture of what your Spirit is guiding you towards. Sometimes when we feel guided, we still mistrust, acting on old patterns of fear. I encourage you to trust the path, accept it with your heart and know that you will be held in following it.

When you see your patterns and obstacles, acknowledge them as they are a part of the path. You will find your depth and courage to this time move through them with new information and tools.

Finally, create a map for your intentions. What do you want? When do you want it? How do you get there?

When you align with your Spirit and move from a true place you'll find fulfillment in the simplest of endeavors and see the gift of life in all the years to come.

Here are some great resources to align with Spirit in the New Year:

4-Week Meditation Series Jan 10th-31st 9:30-10:30 Sundays
New Year ~ New Moon Manifesting Group! Feb 10th-Mar 10th 6-8p Wednesdays

Reading List:
The Instruction: Living the Life Your Soul Intended by Ainslie MacLeod

Astrology for the Soul by Jan Spiller

The Prodigy Within: The Quest to Discover Your Life's Purpose by Wayne Robert Lehrer

Happiest New Year!

Being in the Flow of Abundance.

2009-12-07T10:56:00.000-08:00

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As we enter the winter months, it is a time to move slowly, take stock and reap the rewards of our year. In earlier cultures it was a time to reserve energy in the colder months, feasting on foods which had been harvested, cured and fermented. It was a time to sit in the abundance of the year's riches and prepare for the coming new year while the scarcity of winter quieted everything outdoors.

In today's culture, we have departed from the idea of slowing down during the winter months. We become consumed and sometimes even depressed with holiday expectations. Instead of taking stock of what we have, we become overwhelmed with overspending, debt, family and social commitments. When we are in overwhelm, we are in worry or doubt or frustration. We are depleting our energy. When we deplete our energy, we can encounter emotional or physical illness because we have closed ourselves off to new energy coming in. So really we are in the flow of some very old, stagnant energy..which isn't much of a flow at all.

Give yourself permission this year to be in the flow of abundance. You are deserving, You are enough, You are supported. How do we get to that place? Being in the flow of abundance is a choice. It is about remaining open to what wants to be created for you. Just like we make a choice to be in worry or anger or doubt, which is about closing off.We can make the choice to be in the flow of abundance. It's about slowing down, reminding yourself of all the things supporting you and reinforcing that you are deserving, that you are enough.

Here is a simple, yet powerful meditative Abundance exercise:

Sit.
Ask for a white light to shower around you and clear your space
Allow yourself to release all the worries and anxiety just for that moment
Feel yourself taking a few steps back from the front of your body..this is your center.
Visualize all your worries, anxiety, frustration, etc swirling around your body
Visualize you inhabiting your core
Your worries are the storm outside
Your core is the safe, warm place by the fire on a stormy day
Feel how the energy of this place differs from the energy of worry
Notice what releases
Notice what insights arrive
Repeat three times: "I am safe, I am supported, Good things are coming my way!"
And just sit in this flow of energy for as long as you like

2009-10-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

Over the past ten years the rise of yoga, meditation, eating organic foods and taking an interest in how we operate as a whole, holistically, has risen considerably. This is no coincidence. Our energetic vibration is rising collectively and as this happens, we are shedding old patterns, sometimes painfully, sometimes easily, sometimes sluggishly and sometimes at the speed of light! At any rate we are shedding skins and making space for our true state, our true heart, our true spirit and true potential to be. We often ask, why are we here? What is our purpose? It is simply to live in our highest potential. To live and operate from our higher states.

Yet, when we go seeking for what that is, we try to access it from a task-oriented place. We think the answers are going to come by seeking it on our own while we continue to multi-task our lives. My mother recently gave me a set of paper cocktail napkins which read, "Meditating while Multi-Tasking". This pretty much sums up our culture. Our true state of being lives within a still, peaceful, internal place. Beneath the imprints, patterns, and the triggers lives a pure boundless light that is you, connected to a much higher source and energy.

How do we get to that place of Stillness? Something so incredibly simple. Free, accessible, convenient, yet we make it so difficult to simply be still. Within the stillness is the guidance to move forward and evolve aligned with who we really are. Why is it difficult to go to a yoga class or for a walk or meditate, or eating healthy foods? We can think of a million things to distract us. Sometimes we think that if we do all the things that are healthy for us that we'll lose who we are. Instead we will become more aligned with who we are..truly. So I invite you to sit for 10minutes a day in stillness, then maybe it turns into 20 or 30minutes. More importantly I invite you to listen to the guidance and support that is there.. in the Stillness.

*Namaste*

2009-09-30T06:49:00.000-07:00

Earlier in the year I held the Boundless Workshop. A workshop designed for manifesting what it is we truly want in our lives. The first exercise was jotting down everything we ever wanted in our lives..what we wanted to do, what material items we desired, basically anything we would bring in if we had all the time, all the money and all the energy.

For children this is an easy exercise, yet when we reach our adult years it becomes much more challenging. We have been inundated with messages of not being worthy in some form to have these things. Therefore our list dwindles in size and we end up settling for something less than what we truly desire.

The first step to manifesting is trust. Trusting in what you are asking for, trusting that you are worthy, trusting that you are supported. We often think we are doing all of this by ourselves, but there is a much higher, intelligent energy surrounding and supporting us all the time. This is the force which guides and sometimes hits us like a ton of bricks in order to keep us on track. It may not always feel perfect, but we are always guided to our course for this world.

The second step is setting intention and thinking positively. Being specific and clear about what we want to bring into our lives. Think about what we do want as opposed to what we don't want. The more energy we place around what we don't want, the more those elements will permeate our lives.

The third step is to give it up! No matter what your beliefs, simply releasing your energy around your intentions will allow them more space to come back in the form they are meant. We often have preconceived notions about how the things we want most are going to come into our lives. Again, trust the way intentions want to return to us and we will be pleasantly surprised!

Finally, the best step of manifesting is pausing and reflecting on what you've received so far. When we take stock and appreciate where we've been, where we are and the gifts we've received, it empowers us to continue to trust and open to the gifts which await us!

Please join me for New Moon Reiki where we allow Reiki energy to assist us in setting our intentions during the dates of 10/11 through 10/25. Also please join Elise Collins and I in the Yoga of Manifestation Workshop in beautiful Yoga of Sausalito on October 17th.

*Namaste*

Life's a B#%ch!

2009-09-03T16:01:00.000-07:00

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We've seen the bumperstickers, 'Life's a Bitch' or its counterpart, 'Life's a Beach', growing up in the warm, sunny waves of Florida I tend to lean towards the latter, however my grandfather who grew up in depression-era Brooklyn used to cite the first phrase. In my life, I've wafted between the two.

A few months ago I disagreed with my partner, when he sighed about the economy and said 'Life is just hard.' When I countered his opinion, he said, 'Even the Buddhists say life is hard!' Ok, he had me, however I went on to explain about the Four Noble Truths, which is wisdom, religious or not, we could all infuse into our lives.

The first of the Four, dukkha, is that life is in fact hard and leads to suffering. True, if we're not in our own suffering, there is certainly suffering all around us...just pick up the newspaper! This is age-old. However, the Truths go on to explain that life is hard if we attach ourselves to wanting or craving something different.

This is where the Practice of Detachment comes in. Now it's important not to mistake this for sitting back and accepting all that is. We can effectively manifest a higher state of living and/or being for ourselves and the world around us, yet when we manifest, we do this from a state of detachment. We offer up our intentions and welcome them the way they want to flow back into our lives--but that's another blogpost (stay tuned next month). Detachment means not attaching ourselves to the outcome, not attaching ourselves to other people's incapacities, not attaching ourselves to our desires so much that it guides us offtrack and into a downward spiral.

The Truths explain that once we release our attachments, then we are no longer suffering. This is what enlightenment is..it is en-lightening..lightening our load of attachments. When we do this, then we can move about the cabin more freely. There becomes levity in our perspective, which provides more space for our true state of being. It's when we reside in this place that Life becomes a beautiful Beach!

Your comments are always welcome!
*Namaste*

Being True to Our Authenticity

2009-07-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first blog posting for

Jennifer Brinn, Reiki & Intuitive Wellness!

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The song "Woodstock" originally written by Joni Mitchell has always resonated with me. Perhaps it's because I was born two months before and two towns away from Yasgur's farm where Woodstock bloomed. The lyrics sing, "we are stardust, we are golden and we got to get ourselves back to the garden." Who knew that 40 years later my purpose would be aligned with these lyrics?

Over the years I have provided not only Reiki healing to clients, but have also taken great joy in guiding and inspiring people on their path of optimum wellbeing. I have witnessed complete 180 degree shifts of consciousness to simple childlike smiles return to the most stressed-out clients which allows me to believe that we all are just a few steps away from our authentic state of being. We've all had that moment in life where we woke up and decided it's time to do things differently. This is when you know your authentic state is calling you.

Being true to our authenticity sounds seamless. Afterall, how difficult is it to just be 'ourselves'? But are you really your anger? Are you your fear? Are you your anxiety, depression? We are our spirit. Our spirit operates within the higher states of being which is a vast departure from the lower states where we typically live. Our spirit wills us to make higher choices, whether it's eating healthier foods, refraining from office gossip or lending an ear to someone in need.

Our spirit calls to us every minute of every day. One of my teachers, Leslie Temple-Thurston calls this a 'practice of impeccability'. More than integrity, impeccability is the practice of living between the polarities of good/bad, happy/sad, frustration/satisfaction. It's the practice of living in the higher states and witnessing the shift of the world around you. Granted we are all human, so feeling a range of emotions is perfectly normal, yet the higher state of Detachment for example, allows us to witness the emotions without getting sucked into their vortex.

My work has shifted to empowering people in taking responsibility for their higher wellbeing. Guiding and inspiring each other past their blocks, masks, stories and reintroduce them to their authenticity. When we are operating at our highest potential, we are being impeccable with our body, mind and spirit, more importantly when you are living in the higher states, you are the finest contribution to the world we inhabit!

A practice: Each day in prayer I call in a few of the higher states I wish to practice. This practice of calling them into our consciousness helps to create a shift in our perception and balances our energy by organically bringing us into the center. Here are some higher states to weave into your consciousness. You can begin by practicing to choose one of these when you find yourself stuck: Acceptance
Balance
Bliss
Clarity
Compassion
Detachment
Discernment
Equanimity
Faith
Forgiveness
Generosity
Grace
Gratitude
Harmlessness
Harmony
Humility
Integrity
Joy
Loyalty
Patience
Purity
Surrender
Tolerance
Trust
Unity

From the Divine being in me to the Divine being in you, Namaste*